The Search for Shin Asuka
by Attharun
Summary: Shin Asuka is a famous actor of a famous soap opera, but he's been kidnapped! Kira and Athrun don't think that's a major issue, but everyone else seems to. Find out what the Seed Characters do to save the teen who came to be before Seed Destiny.
1. He existed before Destiny&we don't care!

Title: The Search for Shin Asuka 

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed. It pains me to admit that, but I must move on (sniff).

Author's notes: Hey people. I'm new. This is my first fanfic, obviously. Please read and review. Pweeeeeaaaaase! Well, I won't pester you any longer. Read on and decide what my fate will be… not! Haha(sorry for the lame note).

It was a peaceful Saturday afternoon in Athrun Zala's new rest house. It was summer, so Athrun Zala himself was leaning on the railing of his cool-looking balcony. He never thought he could get rich by himself, seeing as he was able to build a house worth 50,000. He was given his salary, which had added bonuses, for helping during the war. His thoughts wandered from himself to Kira, his best friend, who hasn't shown his ass since he regained consciousness. Athrun's eyes wandered to a picture on the side table. He smiled. It was a picture of him and Cagalli.But his smile stopped short because someone was screaming.

"Athrun! _Athrun_!" Cagalli was runnig towards where Atrun was, her face full of shock.

"Cagalli, what's wrong?" he asked gently. Cagalli seemed to be be very troubled about something. If only he knew what.

"He's been kidnapped!" she almost shrieked.

"Who? Kira?"

"No one cares about that bastard! It's Shin!"

"Shin Asuka! But he dosen't even exist till Seed Destiny! And this story happens way before that," Athrun said.

Cagalli Yula Atha glared at him, and he knew he was in big trouble.

"Will you help me save him?" she was suddenly innocent-looking.

"No!" her boyfriend said automatically. "Besides, I hate guys with sore eyes and messy black hair," he added as an afterthought.

"I'll kiss you," she said. She moved closer. Athrun closed his eyes and…

BASH! "OWW!"

… got a bloody nose from Cagalli.

"Are you gonna dump me for Shin? I can't believe this," he exclaimed.

"No! He stars in my favorite soap opera, and the show can't go on without him, that's all. I'll go find him myself!" she stormed furiously out of the balcony, nose in the air.

"Stupid Shin! I hope Cagalli will stop searching for him and will come back tome instead!" he smirked at that scenario.

"Stupid doorbell!" he fumed.

The door swung open and Kira Yamato went in, looking at the living room as if it were his.

"What do you want, To-mah-to?" Athrun said disdainfully.

"What's up, Salsa?" Kira said with an equally disdainful look. "So Cagalli punched you in the nose, huh? Did you try to rape her-again?" he sneered.

Athrun wondered how Kira could be smart but had an I. Q. of twelve. It was a complete mystery.

"Shin's been kidnapped!" he mimicked Caglli's voice and expression.

"But that Asukar guy doesn't even exist till Destiny," Kira gave Athrun a questioning look.

"Beats me," he shrugged. "But who cares! He's taking Cagalli away from me!" _And I'll beat the shit outta that guy if he even _touches_ her_, he thought.

"Well, we'll have to save him, then," Kira smiled. He knew Athrun would seeth with anger at his comment, but then again, almost everything made him seeth with anger anymore.

Athrun's eyes went wide. "WHY THE SHIT DO YOU WANT TO SAVE HIM!"

Well, he works at a coffee shop, and he has the _best_ coffee," he said casually. Actually, he only saw Shin once in Bo's Coffee Shop, and he never even _tasted_ his coffee. He knew what "Asuran," as Japanese people call him, would react.

"Oh really! Then get the hell outta here!"

Kira raised an eyebrow, snorted, "Whatever," and went out the door.

A/n: Well that's it. Hope you like it. I will be updating soon.Bye!


	2. Why Do Girls Like Shin?

* * *

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I don't own Gundam Seed. Sheesh. Why does everyone have to remind me that? 

a/n: Hi. Sorry if I take too long to update. Hey, I'm a very busy person, even when it's summer. Well, here it, is, the second chapter. Please R&R. Thanks!

Meanwhile, in a particular colony in space, Yzak Joule was not exactly having a good time. He was watching TV in his mother's room, since he got bored of watching TV in his own room. Now he was bored. To. Death. So he was actually a little glad to see a girl running towards the room, face full of shock.

"Yzak!" His face fell. It was only Nicol, the gay.

"What do you want, _Nicole_?" he said in a monotone, which sounded almost exactly like Scrooge.

"Whack! I mean Yak! I-I Mean Yzak! You've gotta help me!" The green-haired coordinator was wearing a _dress. _Yzak rolled his eyes.

" I don't offer my help to gays who run around mistaking my name for Whack or Yak! Especially Yak!" he narrowed his already narrow eyes.

"Come on, we're friends! Besides, Shin Asuka's been kidnapped!" Nicol wailed.

"Something I should care about?" Yzak said coldly.

"But he's in Marina, my all-time favorite show! And the show won't go on without Shin! Come on, I wanna see what happens when Dugong the sea goblin tries to kill him! Pleeeeaaase!"

"Ugh. As if I have anything else to do. Let's go find this Suka guy," the gray-haired ZAFTy sighed.

(Suka means vinegar in Filipino, if you don't know)

Shin Asuka was was enjoying a fruit cocktail and was sitting on a folding chair by the beach (actually in Palawan). Oh yeah, and he was kidnapped by a rebel group called the Abu Sayaff. Luckily, they were avid fans of his show, so they made him feel comfortable, but wouldn't let him go. What was strangest about these terrorists was that they had one of Lacus Clyne's haros, who just _happened _to be their leader. _Well, at least I won't get to see Dugong's shit-as-hell face anymore_, he thought. While everyone thought that he was in the hands of ax murderers, he was getting bored.

"Can someone get the TV?" he asked.

Almost immediately, three of the rebels pushed a big Sony Wega in front of him.

"This news exclusive! Shin Asuka, the leading man of the Famous soap opera Marina, has been kidnapped by an unknown rebel group, thus causing worldwide panic. And panic among space colonies! In other news, Rau Le Crueset, former commander of the ZAFT elites has been found alive and is currently in the House of Hope Asylum. This is Stellar Louisser of GSNN. I hope they fin Shin soon!"

"Whatever." He switched the channel to Teletubbies. Well it was the only channel where he was sure that there weren't any news bulletins about him being kidnapped. He thought the show was ridiculous, but sang along to the poor excuse of sounds.

Dearka Elsman was in a dark room with the love of his life. He had begun with a new obsession: eating Nissin cup noodles. The room was already full of empty cups.

"Mmmm! This is so good!" he mumbled.

Just then, a little kid peeked inside. Since the kid couldn't see anything, and kept hearing slurping sounds, the child closed the door and ran to his mommy.

A/n: Well, that's it. Sorry if it's too short. I am only following what is written on my yellow paper. Hey, it seemed long to me.XD I'll update real soon, now that I've got a computer to play with. Sayonara!


	3. Creuset Returns and Yak goes shopping

Disclaimer: I… don't… own… Gundam Seed. Okay, I've said it. Well, time to get on with my life.

a/n: Hey thanks for the reviews, even if I only got one(thanks, **Ruler of the dark**! x3) Sorry if the chapters are short. I'll write a decently long one later on. Please read and review. I really need it.

When Kira went out of Athrun's mansion, he made a mental note to himself: _Athrun is an asshole_. While walking  
down the street, he saw a strange man wearing a mask(which was made out of cardboard), a jumpsuit, and a hat. He was selling marijuana… bracelets. Kira made another mental note: _Athrun is asshole number one, and _he's_ the number two asshole._

"How did you get out of the asylum, you maniac?" He walked up to Rau Le Crueset.

"I'm the escaping-out of nuthouses extraordinaire! Mwahahahaha-!" An anvil fell out of nowhere and squished him flat.

"Are you an insane extraordinaire too?"

"Hey, you should thank me for killing that whore, Fllay! You would've had a miserable life with herpes!"

"Yeah, you're right! Thanks!" he high-fived the blond with a brain as light as a grain of wheat.

"So, what are you looking for? I've got ALL KINDS of stuff you can use!" Crueset crowed. "Mwahahaha!" he added.

"Do you have a tracking device? I'm gonna look for Shin and get all the fame-not to mention a big chunk of his money- for bringing him back here!" Kira said with a smirk.

"Well, duh! I have something that's close to that!" the masked idiot beamed.

"Well, let's see it!"

Crueset rummaged in his trailer(that suddenly appeared)for a while then took out a robot dog.

"Here! Take it! But-" he rubbed his thumb to his index and middle finger like the moron he was,"-it'll cost ya!"

"I'll buy it for five dollars!" Kira declared.

"What! No WAY!" _Kuripot_, Crueset thought. (Kuripot means stingy in Filipino)

"Four-fifty! Deal's closed!"

"Geez! Okay!" Crueset squealed.

Meanwhile, Athrun decided to look for Cagalli who was looking for Shin…

"Cagalli! Loveydove! Meat bun! Chocolate mousse!" Athrun called out. Then he saw a flash of blond hair walking in the distance. "Hey! Cagalli!"

"Are you talking to me? "The blond- haired someone else asked.

"Oh, sorry. Thought I knew you," he said sullenly.

Four minutes(that seemed like four hours)later, he saw a familiar blond-haired girl. He was sure that was Cagalli, his cappuccino coffee

"Cagalli! Cagalli! Stop! Stop when I'm talkin' to you!" he panted.

"What the hell do you want! I'm searching for Shin, and I'm not gonna let you interrupt my search!" She continued to walk.

Athrun sighed. "You won't find him, not by yourself, anyway. I'll help you."

Cagalli stopped walking. When Athrun caught up, she sneered. "You don't have a choice, anyway."

Yzak and Nicol seemed to be shopping rather than looiking for the famous "Marina" actor. Nicol just had to stop by every Gay Section there was in the mall. Yzak, on the other hand, was grumbling and complaining all the way.

"Oh puh-leeze. Your leading guy can't be found in a mall! He can't even be found in a space colony! Hellooo! Even I know that a soap opera is taped on Earth, where those Naturals are .I hate Naturals!"

"Yzak, you're brilliant! Let's go to Earth! Let's go on a vacation, too!" Nicol screeched.

"SHIT! Me and my big trap!" Yzak shouted, which made a lot of people stare.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT!" he scowled.

a/n: Whew! Finally! After many hours of typing(actually only 2 hours), I've done Chapter three! Yaaaay! Oh, and please review. I'll update tomorrow. Bye!


	4. Kira gets pissed on

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed… Sheesh.

a/n: Chapter four is here! Yeah! And to all who reviewed, thanks a lot! Well, you may now proceed…

Kira was not having any luck finding Shin even with the use of Crueset's contraption. It always stopped to sniff at fire hydrants and at other dogs' butts. It actually took twenty minutes before an idea entered Kira's poor excuse of a brain: the dog had to sniff on Shin's personal belongings to get his scent. _Duh._

"Now, where do I find something that 'Asukar' guy touched?" (Asukar is sugar if you've forgotten)

_Flashback…_

"_Kira, look! I've got Shin's poster! He kissed it and signed it! _With love!_" Cagalli squealed with a jealous Athrun behind her._

"_That isn't news to me," Kira said bluntly._

_WHAAACK! "OWW!"_

Reality…

"So… all I have to do is ask Cagalii to lend me her poster! Yeah! I'm smart! Oh yeah!" he cheered himself.

The robot dog stopped pissing on a nearby fire hydrant, walked up to Kira, and pissed on him instead.

"Heeey! Ewww! I just bought these pair of jeans from Levi's!"

Meanwhile, Cagalli and Athrun were whining. At least, _Athrun_ was whining. They had absolutely no clue as to where the guy they were looking for was.

"Cagalli, I'm tired, let's go back!" Athrun, of course.

"Stop… toching… me!" His girlfriend panted.

"Where's your brother anyway?" Athrun asked, as if he didn't know the answer. Cagalli raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you know? You sent him out."

"How did you know that?" Athrun asked, startled.

_Flashback…_

"_Kira!" Cagalli shouted._

"_Oh, hi Cagalli, sister of mine," he said sorrowfully._

"_What's wrong with you? Oh yeah. Pretty much _everything _is wrong about you," Cagalli implied._

"_Haha. Right. Well, I wanted to lounge in Athrun's living room, 'coz it was cold and all, but he kicked my ass out!"_

"_Why? Did you say that you and Athrun should start looking for Shin?"_

_Exactly! How'd you know?" Cagalli's brother brightened._

"_I'm smart! Unlike the person I'm talking to!"_

"_Are you talking about me? Hey, I should be smart too! We're twins!" Kira moaned._

End of flashback…

"Okay, flashback's done, can we go home now? Sleep? Get horny?" Athrun said. "Emphasis on getting horny."

"No. No. And… no."

"Geez," Athrun muttered and said some stuff under his breath.

"What was that!" Cagalli said threateningly.

"Heheheh… nothing!" He started whistling and sweat dropped.

a/n: Hey, maybe I won't be able to update tomorrow 'coz it's Holy Week. But I will update soon. See ya!


	5. A display of unproper manners

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, Gundam Seed belongs to a lazy old bum-I mean, a very nice person(sweat drop), and does not belong to me.

a/n: Hi! Sorry I wasn't able to update. I did say it was Holy Week, and that means me and my family going out for a very long period of time. Anyway, finally, here it is, the fifth chapter.

"Can you please, please, PLEASE let me go?" Shin pleaded for approximately the forty-ninth time that morning. The leader, the Haro, was not paying any attention to him as he was too busy sipping a large bottle of motor oil. It finally looked over at Shin.

"We will only let you go after I have achieved WORL DOMINATION! Nyahahahaha!" the Haro said in a booming voice.

"Duh. All you have to do is kidnap George Bush and demand to rule the world or you'll kill him," Shin said casually. _Actually_, he thought, _the American population might not give a damn about him and will vote for another bloke instead when he's dead._

The supposedly super-smart machine's eyes widened. "Brilliant! Mr. Suka-,"

"Asuka!" the Haro's adviser hissed.

"I knew that! Er-hem," it cleared its non-existent throat, "Mr. Asuka, you are hereby a member of the Abu Sayaff!"

"NOOO! I don't wanna be a rebel! I wanna go back to the studio where I can be famous! I don't care if I have to see Dugong's goblin-shit face!" Shin wailed.

"Well, it's either that or execution," Mr. Pink said, and went back to drinking its motor oil.

"NOOOO!" Shin screamed.

"This news just in: Locals in Palawan, a popular spot in the Philippines, have had sightings of the famous Marina star, Shin Asuka, who is apparently working with a group of rebels…"

Yzak and Nicol were looking at one of the TV's at a surplus store. They were already in Japan, and Nicol had a lot of baggages, which he forced Yzak to carry.

"Oooh, Palawan! I've always wanted to go there! Let's go, Yak!" Nicol said.

"You think it's easy carrying five bags of YOUR stuff, and walking around bumping into a lot of Naturals?" The former scar-faced freak growled. While they were shopping in the colony, he decided to get his scar removed.

"Come on! I'm a lady, and you're a man! So you have to carry the lady's stuff!" Nicol said cheerfully. Many people passing by were now staring at them.

"STOP LOOKIN AT ME, YOU FILTHY NATURALS!" Yzak shouted.

"Uh-oh, you're in trouble, Whack!" Nicol said tersely. A cop was heading towards Yzak A cop with an automatic rifle.

"You sound like you're the one in trouble," Yzak countered. "And don't call me Whack!"

"You are under arrest for screaming in public," the policeman said calmly. "you have the right to remain silent."

"Grrr…" the cop fastened handcuffs around Yzak's wrist. If he didn't have a gun, I'd kick him in the balls, he thought.

"I'll bail you out Shavk! I mean Yzak!" Nicol called after him.

a/n: Hope you like it! I'll update tomorrow, if there aren't any catastrophes. Au revoir!


	6. Kira really IS stupid

Disclaimer: Would it be okay to say that I own Gundam Seed? Guess not.

A/n: Hi to all who are reading this. I'm sure you want to clobber me for not updating sooner. You see, I was mesmerized by a lava lamp-aw, geez. Okay, I'll tell you the real reason: I was busy playing Grand Theft Auto Vice City. I love the gore! Mwahahahaha! Well, anyway, sorry for the typo errors I made during ALL the previous chapters. I'm always in a hurry for some unknown reason. I'll try not to make any mistakes in this chappie. The sixth chapter is here! Woohoo!

"I'm going to Palawan! I gotta bring all my beach stuff!" Kira said to no one in the room.

He had heard the news on TV while walking back to his apartment with the oil-peeing robot dog. And he left the dog outside to chase his tail or something like that.

After he gathered all his "important necessities", he scooted away from his apartment and left the poor dog alone.

"Athrun, hurry up!" Cagalli screamed.

"But Cagalli, lovable swan, we _need_ a folding bed! Just in case we get horny-"

BASH! The ORB princess hit Athrun's forehead with the butt of her handgun.

"Shut up! We don't need a folding bed!"

"Oww…" Athrun groaned.

"Folding bed… getting horny… pervert!" Cagalli muttered under her breath.

They were also headed to Palawan, because there were a _lot_ of rumors going on which they were able to hear, like:

"_Hey, did you hear about Shin?"_

"_He's in Palawan!"_

"_With the Abu Sayaff!"_

"Hurry up, Athrun!" Cagalli repeated.

"How can I hurry up when I've got a _humongous_ bump on my forehead?" Athrun complained.

"Wear a hat!" His girlfriend tossed him a pink fisherman's hat.

"Do you actually think I'm wearing _that_?" Athrun exclaimed.

"You'll wear that or you can show off your big bruise to everyone."

"Okay, I'll wear the hat, but I promise to complain the whole time."

"No one's stopping you," Cagalli pulled out a pair of headphones and started listening to her mp3 player.

True to his claim, Cagalli's pitiful-excuse-of-a-coordinator boyfriend whined, moaned, groaned and complained.

"Don't you have a _blue_ hat?"

"Why does this hat have to be _neon pink_?"

"What? I can't hear you!" Cagalli was enjoying _not_ hearing Athrun's voice for once.

"If people see me in this, I'll be humiliated!"

"Why couldn't it be blue?"

Meanwhile, Dearka was still in his mysterious dark room eating Nissin cup noodles. But the question was: How did he get all those cup noodles without even lifting his lazy ass out of his seat? It remains a mystery to everyone, even to Dark himself…

Kira walked to the nearest plane that was headed for Ninoy Aquino International Airport, which is in Manila, the capital of the Philippines. He was nonchalant, acting as if he didn't know that he didn't pay for a plane ticket. How is that possible? The airport personnel were knocked out when Kira, the "ultimate coordinator", went SEED mode for no reason at all. Which made it fairly easy for the two-timer to get himself a flight ticket. He was even whistling as he boarded the Air Philippines plane. Suddenly though, his good mood vanished into thin air when he realized something.

"Oh no! I knocked out the pilots! And the _stewardess_. And I could've flirted with her…" He said aloud.

"What was _that_!" A furious pink-haired girl growled from the seat two rows from him.

"L-L-Lacus! Sweetie, honey bun, shawarma, Mexican beans-" He farted. "Eheheheh. Sorry." He sweat dropped. _Damn, I'm not as good in thinking up pet names as Athrun is,_ he thought.

"Kira Yamato, for being a-a-a-…" a moment's hesitation as she counted the flings Kira had "… um, a _three_ timer, I sentence you to three weeks of serving Mr. Green's bidding!"

"I ain't gonna serve no fuckin' Haro!"

"Make that _four_ weeks." Lacus narrowed her eyes.

Kira sighed. _If that sonofabitch Haro is gonna steal my_ sacred _beach stuff, he's gonna become microchip meat,_ he told himself.

a/n: Ha! Now this chapter is longer than the others. I hope. Please leave a review. I will update tomorrow! No Grand Theft Auto for me! No siree! Eheheheh. Ciao! (scoots off hurriedly)


	7. A platter of plots

Disclaimer: Yeah, I've pretty much accepted the fact that I don't own GSeed. Or maybe not…

a/n: Okay, forget wanting to clobber me. You probably want to assassinate me already. I couldn't update because… I was being chased by a mob of psychopathic Haros! Yeah, that's it! Okay, actually my PC was having problems with its social life. Internet problems, actually. Well, I won't bother you any longer. Read, review, and read all over again! Or you can do something else.

"Haros," Mr. Green called. The flying robots flew over to it.

"Since Mr. Pink is away on a 'business trip,' _I_ will be the current leader," the green Haro proclaimed.

"We already know that," Mr. Blue whispered to Mr. Red.

"Mr. Pink," Mr. Green went on, "told me one thing when he called last night: wreak havoc on the subjects Kira and Athrun!"

"Kill Kira Tomahto and Athrun Salsa!" all the A.I. powered robots cheered.

Suddenly, Creuset jumped out of a trash bin.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" he crowed. Then he sniffed. "What is that _putrid_ smell?"

"It's _you_, you victim of an inexistent brain!" Mr. Violet snarled.

"I AM SO EMBARRASSED!" Creuset wailed, and ran back to the trash bin.

Meanwhile, since there weren't any pilots-'coz they were knocked unconscious by Kira(way to go, Ultimate Coordinator)-they went to Palawan using his Freedom Gundam instead.

The trip took a hell of a long time because:

"Kira, I wanna pee!" Lacus would say every three minutes.

"Did you drink too much soda before we left?" Kira was sarcastic throughout the whole trip.

Then every time they passed by anything or anyone, Lacus would make Kira stop driving so they could look at the wonderful landscape(or the wonderful old ladies passing).

_Why'd she have to come? Now I'm bored out of my wits, _Kira thought.

Kira thought he couldn't stand it anymore. _I sure hope someone rescues me,_ he told himself.

"I'll bail you out, Yzak!" the ZAFTY most people called "Yak" mimicked what Nicol said earlier that day. While doing this, he moved around like a gay in his jail cell.

"It's been seven hours already! Where the fuckin' hell is that homosexual!" he roared.

"Obviously shopping at a particular gay mall in a certain cosmetics section," Yzak answered himself.

"Yeah, I bet he's stuffing himself with all those make-up and face masks," he snorted.

"Uh-huh, that is so right."

"You're talkin' to yourself, did you know that?"

"Oh, shut up!" he scowled.

Suddenly a Haro wearing a police hat fluttered towards his cell

"Shut up, yourself, human!" it scowled even more viciously than Yzak, which is saying a lot.

"Grrr… if there'a one thing I hate more than KIra Yamato (I'm gonna get you, Strike-um Freedom!), it's a HARO!" he muttered fiercely.

"The Haro went to a desk and withdrew a policeman's bat, which Yzak's eyes were fixed on. It just _happened_ to be made of metal.

"Why do I have the feeling I know what's gonna happen next?" he gulped.

"Prepare to become dog food!" the annoying Haro went inside the cell.

Nicol saw a man wearing a white cardboard mask, who he thought looked a lot like Rau Le Creuset. When he went closer, he found out it _was_ him. But for one odd detail: he was selling products that looked like it would burst with one touch.

"Nicol Amalfi! May I interest you with my money-generating machine? I can't use it, but you look like a smart gay-uh, man!" he said.

"I am?" Nicol asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Of course!"

"Really?"

"No."

"Oh well, I'll take that money machine of yours."

"It's really cheap- I mean, priceless," Creuset reassured Nicol. He also rubbed his thumb to his index and middle finger. "But it'll cost ya!"

"How much?" Nicol asked with a bad feeling in the pit of his wallet.

"One hundred fifty dollars!" Creuset's eye slits showed dollar signs in them.

The good looking gay pretended to be deeply sad. "Okay, here you go," he handed Creuset a handful of play money. Creuset cackled wildly.

"Mwahahahaha! Cash," he drooled. Seconds later, he scampered away, out of sight.

"How did he become commander of the ZAFT elites if he was _that_ insane?" he wondered. Then he wore a cheerful face. "Well, time to go and bail Yzak out of jail!" he said happily.

a/n: Okay, if there are no computers being destroyed tomorrow, I'll definitely update. Really, I will. Tahtah!


	8. That's not how Sumo Wrestling works

Disclaimer: Oops… I think I forgot what I was supposed to say. (thinks for a while)… Oh yeah, I'm out to conquer the world! Mwahahahaha! No wait, that's not right. Oh, I remember! Gundam Seed isn't mine!

a/n: I never thought my sore fingers could still type this chappie. Do you know that it's 9 in the morning and I'm actually up? Yeah, just because I wanna type in this chapter. I think it's gonna be longer this time. Yeah, maybe I will play Soul Calibur 2 instead. Well, read, review, review again and then do whatever else you're gonna do.

In Palawan…

"Oh, Abu Sayaff, where are you?" Kira hollered in a singsong voice.

"We're right over heeere!" Mr. Pink mimicked his singsonginess. It came over, machine gun in (nonexistent) hand.

A rebel dragged Shin and shoved him in front of the Haro leader.

"Ow! Watch the hair! I use expensive hairgel!"

"Looks like it doesn't work!" Mr. Pink snickered.

"Okay, everyone shut up, give us Shin, and we're leaving!" Kira scowled.

Meanwhile, Lacus was preoccupied with a dragonfly. She was running around the island, chasing it.

Just then, the Justice Gundam parked itself right on top of the dragonfly, snuffing out the life of the poor creature.

"My dragonfly!" Lacus wailed.

The cockpit opened and Athrun stepped out.

"Palawan, at last!" He took in the fresh air.

"Athrun! Get these handcuffs off me!" Cagalli screamed.

"But then we won't be able to make out later," Asuran whined.

Everybody stopped moving. Their left eyes twitched.

"WHAT?" Athrun questioned angrily.

"Take them!" the pink spherical robot roared.

When Yzak and Nicol arrived in Palawan, they saw the Freedom and Justice parked on the shore. They jumped out of the Blitz. Yzak tried to resist the urge to vandalize Kira's Gundam.

"Yzak, let's go find Shin!" Nicol said.

Yzak was just about to take out some spray cans from his bag.

"Yak, you can trash the Freedom _later_!"

"Don't call me Yak!"

Nicol suddenly stopped moving. Since Yzak was right behind him, Nicol's abrupt stopped caused "Yak" to trip over.

"What the FREAKIN' HELL do you think you're doing?" he roared.

"Looking at all those AK47 rifles."

"What do you mean… oh."

There were approximately sixty AK47's pointing at almost every inch of their bodies.

"Please don't shoot me! I'm too young and beautiful to die!" Nicol pleaded.

"Spare the lady!" Mr. Pink commanded.

"That's no lady! That's a g-!"

"SHADDAP!" A meat bun came out of nowhere and stuffed itself into Yzak's mouth.

"Mmm… not bad!"

"Capture the old geezer!" Mr. Pink ordered.

"I'm not old! Are you stupid?"

"But you've got _white_ hair! And _all_ white-haired people are old!" a rebel implied.

"Take the old guy and leave the pretty lady alone!" Mr. Pink winked at Nicol, who looked at it with horror written all over his face. The rebels left him, and he still had the expression of horror.

Yzak was thrown rudely in a sort of hut. He was surprised to see the others as well.

Kira was glaring at him. "I hope you didn't lay a finger on my Freedom," he snarled.

"I hope your mouth disappears so we won't have to hear it flapping," Yzak muttered under his breath.

"I… heard… that," Kira hissed, gritting his teeth.

"Like… I… care," Yzak, the hair-trigger-temper-boy, mimicked.

Everyone else decided to get out of the way. They were squished in a corner of the room, sweat dropping, and looking scared, while Yzak and Kira were at the center, still trash talking.

"Well, I know that you peed on your bed the other day!"

"Well you- hey! How'd you know that?"

"I have my sources."

"Why you freakin' asshole!"

"What is the meaning of this!" the Haro suddenly barged in. "Not that I'd care," it added

"If you really wanna know…" Kira started to say.

"Of course I wanna know! Now spill it or die!"

"The heir of Creuset here-," he pointed at Yzak, "-apparently put some graffiti on _my_ Freedom!"

"Who're you callin' 'heir of Creuset'?" Yzak's eyes grew wide with anger.

"Explain yourself, old man!" Mr. Pink said loudly, as if it had all the power. Which it evidently had.

"Well, this moron here apparently sneaked in my room the other day! And now he's embarrassing me!" Yzak retorted.

"You can both settle this in a friendly- ah, who am I kidding? Go fight in the Sumo Wrestling ring!" Mr. Red-plus-white-equals-pink said.

Minutes later, both contenders were wearing nothing but loincloths as underwear (you know, the ones used in Sumo Wrestling). They were inside a circle, in a fighting stance, and glaring at each other furiously.

"Prepare to eat my dust!" Yzak sneered.

Yzak's fan girls (who came outta nowhere) squealed in delight as he gave them one of his "charming" looks.

"Well prepare to eat my…erm… fart!" Kira countered.

Everyone fell silent. A Haro referee flew over.

"Ready-," Kira clenched his fists, "-set-," Yzak bared his teeth, "-go!"

"HEAD-BUUUUTT!" Kira was charging towards the Yak man like a bull. Yzak smirked, waiting.

"WEDGIE!"

"Ahhh! My sword!" Kira was flailing his arms as Yzak suspended the loincloth on a nearby nail that was on the trunk of a tree.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" The male people, including the Haro, were laughing upon seeing Kira's balls. Lacus and Cagalli looked away quickly. The Haro stopped laughing immediately.

"Take 'em back to the hut!" it roared.

"Can Cagalli and I get a private hut?" Athrun asked, almost begging.

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead," it said waving its mechanical hands. "There are some 'Frenzy' condoms on the shelf," it added. "Indulge!"

"Thanks! I will," Athrun winked.

"Now get outta my sight!" it yelled.

"When we get outta here, Athrun, I'm gonna kill you," Cagalli said in a weirdly calm voice.

"Okay! But for now…"

"This is gonna be a looong day," Athrun's girlfriend sighed.

a/n: Whew! That was long. I'm sure I'll update tomorrow, but I gotta start writing the tenth chappie! Sayonara! Please review! x3


	9. Head cases

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed does not belong to me, okay? So no one sue me for what I type here.

a/n: After I type in this chappie, I don't think I'll be updating daily anymore 'coz I'll have to think about what to write for the tenth chapter. Just so you know, I can't type a chapter if I don't write it. I can't think that way. Besides, I don't want to type anything that I didn't do my best in. Anyway, enough of my babbling. It's the ninth chappie! Yaaay! Read, review, and get on with your lives.

Dearka was still munching on his precious noodles, minding his own business, when suddenly…

BOOM!

… Nicol and Miriallia Haww barged in.

"Whew! I'm a strong gay!" Nicol said happily.

"Yeah," Milly said awkwardly.

"Dearka! You've gotta help us! The others are in Palawan!"

"So?" Dearka managed to say while chewing. "They're having a vacation! That's good."

"They're not vacationing! They've been kidnapped along with Shin!" Milly clarified.

"Shin? Isn't that a body part?"

"No! Shin Asuka!" Nicol said tersely.

"Ah, you mean the guy with the fishtail in that soap opera?"

"Yes, that Shin!"

"And what am I supposed to do?"

"Help us save him, of course!" Milly and Nicol said at the same time.

Dark looked at Milly, then at Nicol, then at his cup of noodles.

"Well, okay, I'll do it!" Dearka said cheerfully.

"Well, where's your Buster Gundam?" Milly asked.

"Uh… I kind of…" he played with his fingers. Nicol was yawning when Dearka finished his sentence.

"… sold it."

Nicol's mouth snapped shut. Several seconds later, he made a sound that was between a sigh and a sharp exhaling of air.

"You WHAT?"

"How do you think I got all these noodles?"

"Oh, come on. We can go in my Gundam. I wonder how we'll _all_ fit in, though," Nicol said.

"Can I bring some noodles along?" Dark asked hopefully, quickly putting on a puppy-dog-eyes expression.

"You are completely hopeless," Miriallia sighed.

* * *

"Well, I hate you!'

"I hate you more!"

"You still drink from s baby bottle! Admit it!"

"_You _still keep the nightlight on! You admit it!"

"This has been going on for _hours_!" Shin told Lacus.

"I know! Can't we all just get along?"

" Got any earmuffs?"

"No, I don't."

"Geez. Athrun and Cagalli are making out, Kira and Yzak are trash talking, and we're doing nothing but sitting cross-legged! I'm bored!"

"How do you know us?" Lacus asked.

"Oh, I'm an avid Gundam Seed fan!" Shin said brightly.

"Oh. So what do you usually do?" Lacus inquired.

"I'm supposed to be set for a spa treatment today."

"But there's no spa _here_."

"I know! Isn't it tormenting? No hot baths, no massage, no face masks…"

Lacus raised her eyebrows. _Is he gay?

* * *

_

Meanwhile, Mr. Pink was entertaining a visitor.

"Osama bin Laden! It's so nice to meet you!"

"That's 'Future King of the World' to you!"

"Ah, of course!" the Haro chirped.

"So, what are your plans…um, Mr.Pink, is it?"

"Oh, I plan to kidnap George Bush and demand whatever I want from the world in exchange for his safety," the pink robot beamed.

"That plan will never work!" Bin Laden roared.

Everyone except the crickets fell silent.

"What do you mean, it won't work?" a rebel asked.

"Duh. No one in America gives a fuck about Bush! Some of them even want him dead," he went on.

"Er- what would _you_ propose, Mr. bin Laden?" Mr. Pink asked sweetly, which usually meant that it was trying-_hard_- to conceal its anger.

"We could kidnap _Usher_ and demand whatever _I_ want from the world in exchange for his safety," the most wanted terrorist on the planet said.

"Usher?"

"Sure. Everyone likes Usher!" he proclaimed.

"Usher."

"Yes, Usher! What's wrong with him?"

"What about Shin? We already kidnapped him," the Abu Sayaff adviser said.

"See, that's why _he's_ my adviser," Mr. Pink winked at bin Laden.

"Oookay," was all Osama could say of this somewhat maniacal leader.

In the Blitz Gundam…

"Ow! Dark, your soup is all over my arm!" Milly yelped.

"Sorry!" Dearka said before slurping the rest of his soup that was in his cup.

"Get outta the way, I can't see where we're going!" Nicol yelled.

"Sorry!" Dearka repeated.

In the private hut…

"Do you want me to use my gun, Athrun?" Cagalli asked with a poisonous smile.

"You can use your gun_ after_ our session!"

"Shut up!"

Athrun moved a step closer, and…

BOOOM!

a/n: Well that's it for now. It's up to you to figure out what comes next. For now, I'm gonna write the tenth chappie. Later!


	10. Insanity galore

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, Gundam Seed ain't mine. Well, at least I don't have responsibility over that matter.

a/n: I've managed to think fast , and write fast then type fast. Yeah, just for all you guys who might be anxious to read the tenth chapter. By the way, it's good to know that someone else has the same birthday as mine. Now I know that I'm not alone in the world. And in this chapter, you'll see how vicious Haros can get. Enjoy!

Inside the other hut…

Yzak pulled a book outta nowhere. It said "Yamato's Diary" on the cover. Kira's eyes went wide, and he started whimpering, "Nonononono!"

"Hah! I've been waiting for this day!" Yzak cackled.

"Wait a little bit longer!" Kira fell to his knees and pleaded.

"Dear Diary, I just made out with Fllay. It was rich! I was so pumped up! Especially the time when… oh never mind. It's too long to write, and you know how lazy I can get. But we were soo in to it, you know? Well, gotta go, Fllay's expecting me (wink).'"

"Hahahahahahaha!" Shin laughed.

Kira was sweat dropping all over the place. As for Lacus, well, her face was as pink as her hair. Then it became _red_.

"KIRA!" Her head loomed over Kira's face. He gulped.

"I want a divorce!" Lacus said.

Kira blinked. "We're married?" he wondered.

"Well, no. Let's get married!" Lacus said cheerfully.

"Yeah!" Kira cheered.

"Then get divorced," Lacus said in a monotone.

"Nooo!"

Even as Kira's despair was rising, Yzak continued to read the diary.

"Dear Diary, When I woke up and saw Lacus Clyne, my first thought was, _I wanna make out with her!_ You may think I'm a pervert, but the truth is, I am!'"

Lacus was pink again, but this time, a column of steam was actually rising from her head.

"You're gonna get it, Kira Yamato! HAROS!" Her mechanical pets appeared very suddenly. "Get him!"

"NYAHAHAHAHAHA!" They crowed.

Then, even more suddenly, Creuset came in, dressed as a magenta Haro.

"Don't mind me!" Creuset said brightly. "I'm a fellow Haro!" "Haro! Haro!" he added to be more convincing.

Everyone,even the Haros,froze.

"WHAT?" he questioned.

* * *

Recap…

Athrun moved a step closer, and…

BOOOM!

Reality…

"What the fuck-," Athrun started to say.

Cagalli cut him off. "Who broke down the door?" She demanded.

"No one, I guess," Athrun said.

Little did they know that Sai Agryle was hiding inside an Invisibility Cloak (which he stole from the Harry Potter studios) and was holding a modernized super-cool laser gun (which was stolen from the Terminator 3 studios). His purpose for being here, and for breaking down the door, was unknown.

"Now where were we, Cagalli? Oh yeah! Time for our session!"

"I think someone's hiding out there," Cagalli told Athrun. _Actually, I just want an excuse to get away from that possessive maniac,_ she thought. A big piece of wood caught her eye. Why? It was floating in mid-air. She picked the wood piece and the Sai's cloak was lifted with it.

"Sai! So _you_ broke down the door!"

"I did it, I'm guilty-I mean, I didn't break any doors down!" He quickly hid the laser gun.

"Okay, Sai, confess!" Athrun ordered.

"Oh, come on! Why would_ I_ break down a door? Am I the type of person who's crazy enough, dorky enough, and stupid enough to do that?" he reasoned _way_ too dramatically.

"YES!" Athrun and Cagalli said together.

"Oh."

"Why'd you break down the door?" Cagalli asked, none too gently.

"But I'm guilty-I mean, innocent!"

"As punishment, I will have to take that gun of yours," Athrun said. In his mind he was thinking, _Cool!_

"Hmm… we can use his cloak to escape and get back to the Gundams!"

"We're leaving already? But this place is heaven!" Athrun marveled.

"Yes, you can spend the rest of your life with that mentally-ill Haro you created. And chances are, Creuset is here, too," Cagalli said dryly.

"Okay, that's not a happy thought. Come on! Let's go! Let's gogogo!"

"Shut up, the rebels will hear you!"

"Not that she's care," Sai said blandly.

"Yeah, what he said," Cagalli agreed.

a/n: Well, that's it. I'll try to update tomorrow, okay? Oh, and please review! Bye for now!


	11. Dearka hates porn?

Disclaimer: Yes, I don't own Gundam Seed. Please don't file a lawsuit or whatever against me.

a/n: Do you know what time I slept last night to write this in? Ten in the evening. Hahaha. No big deal though. As much as I like to stay up all night, I can't. My parents have VERY strict rules. Well, enough about my utterly miserable life. Go and read the eleventh chappie. Oh, and please leave a review. Thanks.

The Blitz Gundam finally made it to the island. Nicol parked it in a thick bunch of trees so it wouldn't be seen. The cockpit opened.

"I can't believe it! My arm reeks of soup!" Milly complained.

"I can't help it if I'm addicted to soup and noodles!" Dearka reasoned.

"Shhh! Quiet! Let's sneak inside one of the huts! Maybe the others are in there!" Nicol told them.

"Yeah, or maybe that infernal Haro is talking to Osama bin Laden, and now they're planning to take over the world!" Dearka theorized.

Milly and Nicol just stared at him.

"It's just a guess," Dearka said casually.

They silently opened the door, closed it, and hid behind some crates.

"So? What are they talking about?" Milly whispered to Nicol, who was hiding closest to the rebel group.

"… then, after that, the world is ours to conquer!" bin Laden shouted.

"Ookay. We heard _that_ fairly well," Milly said, rubbing her ears.

"See? Told ya they were gonna take over the world," Dearka said with a smug smile.

"Now let's watch some porn movies!" Mr. Pink said.

"Okay!" the other terrorists murmured.

Click!

Everyone (except Milly and Nicol, of course) was drooling at the sight of all that porno. However, when Dearka laid his eyes on the screen, his face went green.

Then came the barfing.

"Dark? _You hate porn?_" Nicol said.

"Yeah, yeah. So I do," Dearka said after he puked.

One of the rebels' heads turned to look at the source of the noise.

"Come on guys!" Nicol hissed.

They scurried away from the hut before the rebel reached them

* * *

."Wait. Let _me _read it this time!" Shin said. "Dear Diary, Everyone seems to think that I'm a wimpy protagonist. Heero Yuy said so himself, when I came over to his birthday party! Don't tell anyone, but I cried so hard after that, 'cause all I wanted was for him to sign my autograph! I am so depressed!"

Shin and Yzak both burst into fits of laughter. Lacus and her Haros joined in a few seconds later.

Kira meanwhile, after a good beating from the Haros, had both eyes head-butted and was bruised all over.

"Hey, where'd Creuset go?" Kira said, trying to get the others to stop laughing.

"I… don't know… Kira!" Lacus said while attempting not to laugh. But then she started to chuckle again.

"Hahahahaha! Okay, okay, let's read another," Yzak said while flipping the pages of Kira's journal.

"Dear Diary, I thought I had a chance to be able to do 'it' with Cagalli, but when I found out she was my sister, I had to find someone else. Luckily, Lacus was there. You know that time I cried on her lap? That was an excuse! By the way, she has nice legs!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Yzak and Shin laughed simultaneously.

"Do you want me to kill him, Lacus?" Mr. Black asked.

Before Lacus could answer, Cagalli and Athrun went in, along with Sai, the Invisibility Cloak, and the laser.

"Hey guys! We found a way for us to escape!" Cagalli said.

"We can't _all_ fit in that cloak," Yzak said skeptically.

"I want one of those!" Shin said when he saw the laser Athrun was holding.

"Hey, Athrun, you've gotta read this!" Yzak tossed the diary to Athrun.

"Athrun, please, don't read it aloud!" Kira begged.

"Too late, Tomato!" Athrun laughed.

"Dear Diary, Why doesn't Lacus wanna make out with me? Doesn't she know that I have erotic fantasies of her? Guess not! But I'm suffering here! Athrun's already done it with Cagalli, so why can't I? Athrun says I should force Lacus into it, but I'm not a control freak like him! And then he said, 'Of course you can't do it, you're a wimp!' I am so depressed-again!"

"Athrun! Some friend you are," Kira grumbled.

"Force Lacus into it, huh, Athrun?" Cagalli said sharply.

"Eheheheheheh!" Athrun sweat dropped.

Cagalli was just about to land a punch on Athrun's nose when Dearka's headpopped on the side of the door.

"Shh! We're coming in!"

"Dearka, Milly and Nicol stepped inside.

"Come on, guys, everyone else is watching porn movies, we can get outta here!" Nicol said.

"What if we get caught?" Lacus asked.

"Would you want to buy this invisibility spray?" Creuset asked, still disguised as a Haro.

"Where'd you come come from?" Everyone said at the same time.

"I can't tell you that," Creuset replied seriously. "But I _can _tell you that it costs two hundred bucks," he brightened.

"We'll take it!" Cagalli said, handing Creuset some fake cash. He drooled over it.

"Well, see ya!" he zoomed away.

"Let's hope this isn't defective," Cagalli said, looking at the spray.

a/n: Well, that's it, hope you like it. Will Creuset ever find out that all he ever gets from selling his products is fake money?I have to go and do important stuff, which mostly consists of sitting around, doing nothing. Bye-bye!


	12. Kira's got an IQ of four!

Disclaimer: Do I have to say this over and over again? Yes, I don't own Gundam Seed. I've already gotten on with my life. I don't need to be constantly remided of that itsy-bitsy fact.

a/n: Yay! I have 14 reviews! I thought I'd end up with only one till I finished this fic. Thanks to **Sandyzd**, **Rosegirl18 **(I didn't forget), and **EmbeRin** for constantly reviewing. I owe you a lot. Well, on with the story!

Before Cagalli could spray herself with Creuset's suspicious-looking product, the door opened.

"Shin Asuka, you're coming with us," two rebels-who looked strangely like Tolle and Kuzzey-said.

"_Tolle? Kuzzey?" _Milly was shocked.

"I do not know of who you speak of," the Tolle-look-alike said in a strange tone.

"Neither do I," The Kuzzey-look-alike said in a similar tone.

They dragged Shin out the door.

"Hey, aren't you gonna save me?" Shin demanded.

"We don't like you," Athrun said simply. The other guys nodded in agreement.

Shin and the rebels disappeared completely.

"Why didn't you karate them?" Cagalli said sharply.

"We don't like him," Athrun repeated.

"Why you… oh, never mind," Cagalli gave up.

"So, who wants to go eavesdrop on the Abu Sayaff?" Lacus asked.

"Um, no one?" Kira said bluntly.

"Let's leave the guy here and go home," Yzak said.

"Good idea," the men agreed.

All the girls-and Nicol-protested.

"We came here to save Shin in the first place!" Nicol reminded them.

"I'll go drop an eve on those terrorists!" Kira chided, remembering that he came to save Shin so he could get some fame and glory.

Everyone stared at him.

"You know, eavesdrop! Isn't that the same?"

"NO!" everyone else said.

"Well, I'll do it anyway!" Kira said with a smile on his face.

"Okay!" Lacus said.

Kira just stood there, smiling.

"Well?" Cagalli said quizzically.

"Well, what?" Kira said blankly.

"Well, go and spy on them!" Cagalli ordered.

Kira blinked. "Oh yeah!" He scurried off.

"Idiot," Yzak sneered.

"Wanna read the rest of the diary?" Dearka said.

"Oh, I wanna hear this," Athrun laughed.

* * *

Kira searched for the hut Mr. Pink was in. He didn't have to look far, because there was a big flashing neon sign that said: **Mr. Pink Is In Here!** And there were flashing arrows that were pointing to the biggest hut of all the huts that were there.

"That must be it," Kira said.

He tiptoed to the door, humming the Mission: Impossible theme song.

"Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum," he hummed. He opened the door. Then he hid behind a box.

There was a hologram communicator thingy at the center of the room. Mr. Pink ordered Shin to sit on the long bench. The Tolle-look-alike was beside him, placing the barrel of a hand gun to the side of his head.

"Nonono, oh God, please no!" Shin whimpered.

Mr. Pink turned on the hologram.

"Greetings, incompetent Naturals and Coordinators!" it began.

"As you can see, me and Osama bin Laden here, have your beloved actor, and we will not hesitate to kill him if you refuse to meet our demands! NYAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I still think kidnapping Usher was a better idea," bin Laden muttered.

"Here is what we want: We want to rule the world!" Mr. Pink crowed.

A hologram appeared and revealed the faces of millions of screaming fans.

"Give Shin back you bastards!" they all said in unison.

"Woah, I didn't know Shin had so many fans! I'll get even more fame and glory than I expected!" Kira said with glee.

"Let _me_ rule the world, and I'll give him back," Mr. Pink said.

"What? But _I'm_ gonna rule the world!" bin Laden roared.

"I will!"

"No, I will!"

"I will!"

"I will!"

The other rebels stood in confusion. Shin was still whimpering.

"The rebel who looked like Kuzzey said, " Anyone wanna grab a beer? My treat."

The others mumbled, "Sure!" They went out through a side door.

Meanwhile, bin Laden and the pink Haro was were still arguing.

"I will rule the world!"

"I will!"

"I will!"

"I will!"

Kira didn't know what to do, either. So he just stayed behind the box and hummed the rest of the Mission: Impoissible theme song.

* * *

"Dear Diary, Everyone thinks I'm stupid. Athrun said I had an IQ of four. Well, I _do_, but that's not the point, is it? Athrun thinks he's so good. Hmph! I'll show him! I'm just as smart as Cagalli is! Smarter even!"

Everyone had a straight face for at least ten seconds. Then they burst out laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

"I didn't know Kira had an IQ of _four_!" Lacus said.

"No wonder he didn't know what 'eavesdrop' meant!" Dearka said.

Yzak was laughing so hard tears were coming out of his eyes. Athrun was seconds away from doing the same.

"I'm back! With Shin!" Kira declared.

"Took you long enough. Let's go already!" Nicol said.

"Not so fast," a familiar voice (at least to the ZAFTY's) said.

"Miguel Aimann! It's you!" Athrun said.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Dearka demanded.

"So is Nicol. But the author decided to reincarnate _him_ instead of me! So pretty soon I'm gonna be erased!"

Suddenly, an eraser came out of the sky and started erasing Miguel's head.

"Nooo! Not the hair! Anything but the _hair_!"

Everyone just… stared.

a/n: Um, if you think this chapter's kinda bogus, you can tell me. And if you think it's great, tell me! Please review!


	13. Everything's going insane now

Disclaimer: Uh- huh. Gundam Seed is so not mine. I mean, if it was, Rau Le Creuset would end up in a nuthouse!

A/n: Um, sorry for not updating for, like, days. I was deciding if I should end the story or not, and I decided to end it on chapter fourteen. So both chapters will be posted today. Hey, I have my reasons for doing this. Wanna know what? Probably not, but I'll tell you anyway. Well, first, I have to take an entrance exam 'coz I'm transferring schools (yet again). And I have to study for it, 'coz my parents say it's hard. And you can relate to me right? I FREAKIN' DO NOT WANNA STUDY FOR AN ENTRANCE EXAM! (becomes as red as Fllay's hair) But, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make more fics but with only one chappie. Well, anyway, enjoy the last two chapters of my fic.

"Now can we puh-leeze escape?" Shin asked.

"No! The story doesn't end _that_ soon," Dearka said. "Something else is still bound to happen."

"Since when have _you_ become Einstein's son?" Nicol arched his eyebrow.

"Since I've been eating noodles!" Dearka answered, his eyes glittering.

"Yeah right," Yzak snorted. "Noodles can't make anyone smart, especially not a dumbass, which_ you_ happen to be."

"You're just jealous," Dark retorted.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Can we please get outta here?" Cagalli said exasperatedly.

"Not so fast!" someone said.

"See, told ya something else was bound to happen," Dearka said, smirking.

"So, is any one of you girls single?" Shani Andras asked in a bad-boy-like voice.

"I am!" Nicol said brightly.

"What's your name, pretty lady?" Shani asked.

"Nicol! Nicol Amalfi!"

"Hey, aren't you… you're the gay!" Shani blurted.

"Ahhh! I'm not gonna date a homosexual! I'm getting out of here!" With that, Shani zoomed away until he was out of sight.

Nicol sighed. "And I thought I was going to be de-virginized today."

Everyone stopped moving.

Suddenly, the door burst open.

"What's this rumor that my hostages were gonna escape?" Mr. Pink said.

"Mr. Pink! So _you're_ behind all this!" Lacus said in a pained voice.

"Duh! Didn't you see it when we were captured?" Kira said.

"L-L-Lacus! I didn't do it! I-It was _him_!" it pointed at bin Laden. "_He_ forced me into it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Why do we fight, even over the smallest things?" Lacus said, getting all peace-loving like she did during the series.

"Because some people are just plain stupid!" Yzak said.

"Well, tell me if you guys ever want to escape!" Shin said. He whipped out his cell phone and started to play "Doom".

"Shin! You have a cell phone! Why didn't you call the CIA so _they_ could rescue you?" Milly asked.

"Cell phones can make calls? I didn't know that! I only bought a cell phone because of the games!" Shin answered.

"Now there's a guy who could compete with Kira! I wonder who's dumber."

"Hey, I have a sudden craving for trout. They taste it good with tartar sauce!" Shin said out of the blue.

"Ewww. I hate tartar sauce," Kira said.

"Who asked you?" Yzak said.

Meanwhile, Mr. Pink and bin Laden were engaged in some sort of duel. It involved head-butting each other, actually. Lacus was watching them, trying (in vain) to make them stop.

"I'm bored," Dearka said.

"Argh! You people are stupider than a flugerm!" Cagalli exploded, losing her temper. "We're supposed to get out of here!" With that, she went out of the hut, Mr. Pink and bin Laden not even noticing her weave past them.

"You think you can head-butt the king of all head-butters?" Mr. Pink declared.

"You think you have the upper hand, just because you're made of metal?" Bin Laden replied, taking out a sledgehammer.

"Hey, no fair! Weapons aren't allowed!" Mr. Pink complained.

"I am a terrorist, I play _dirty_," bin Laden sneered.

"You'll have to catch me if you want to flatten me!" Mr. Pink flew out the door, bin Laden trailing behind.

"Ooookay. That was a _bizarre_ scenario," Dearka said.

"I'm going after Cagalli," Athrun muttered.

"I guess you do like my sister, after all," Kira said, looking pleased.

"Actually, I'm going after her 'coz she might pilot my Gundam and take off," Athrun said hurriedly, then scurried off.

Lacus looked over Shin's head to watch him play "Doom".

"Can I play?"

"Sure, my fingers are getting sore," Shin said.

* * *

"Cagalli, where are you?" Athrun said, trying to see in the dark.

He stopped. He heard a rustling of trees. _I hope it's just the wind and not Cagalli flying away with my Gundam_, Athrun thought.

He walked to the spot where he parked the Justice. Thankfully, it was still there. He saw Cagalli standing several feet away from him.

"Hey, Cagalli, come on! Let's go back inside!"

"I don't wanna," Cagalli said, sounding much like a spoiled five-year-old.

"Wanna get horny with me?" Athrun winked.

"Let's go back inside," Cagalli said quickly, sweat dropping.

"Works every time," Athrun muttered with a small smile.

"What was that?" Cagalli said, raising her eyebrow.

"Nothing, nothing!"

a/n: Well, Now that that's done, you can go on to the fourteenth and last chapter. See ya there!


	14. The end of all that crap

Disclaimer: For the last time in this fic, Gundam Seed ain't mine.

a/n: Whew! Two chapters in one day is hard work! But I gotta do it. Thanks to all who reviewed! Hope you like this chapter as much as I don't. And that wasn't a typo error, either. Stay tuned for my other stories, which will probably be only one chapter from now on. Well, on with the story!

Lacus eventually gave back Shin's cell phone after losing a kazillion times playing "Doom". He called the CIA and the police, with a lot of help from the others, and Yzak's good advice ("If Kira has an IQ of four, you must have an IQ of _cheese_!" Yzak sneered.)

Mr. Pink and bin Laden were caught in the act of trying to flatten each other with gigantic weights.

The police didn't see bin Laden sneak out of the police truck. So he was still running loose somewhere on the planet (or in someone's backyard).

"My Buster!" Dearka screamed in delight (like a girl) when he saw his Gundam in a storage bay.

After that, the others went in their Gundams (finally). Sai, meanwhile, was imprisoned for stealing Harry Potter's Invisibility Cloak and the Terminator's laser.

Two weeks later…

Shin was being pampered and fussed over by his hair stylist, make-up artist, and so on. _At least I'm not in a crummy hutbeing threatened to be beheaded_, he thought.

Cagalli had gone back to bashing Athrun whenever he made these "attempts" to get her to make out with him.

Kira had been tortured by Lacus's endless chitchat about peace. Everytime she talked to Kira about that topic (which was what she always talked about), Kira would fall asleep after her second sentence.

Milly had to send Dearka to a "noodles and soup" rehabilitation center, since she was getting tired of him spilling soup all over her (first, it was on her arm, then all over her hair, then right at her face).

Yzak went back to staying at least a hundred yards away from Nicol so that no one would think he was gay. And Nicol recently won a cash prize in a contest called "I'm happy an gay," which he spent by buying all kinds of cosmetics

Then one day, something out of the ordinary happened.

First, there was news that a number of active volcanoes all over the world had erupted at the same time.

Then, a tsunami in the Pacific Ocean.

Then, a flash… and someone disappeared.

* * *

"This news just in: Shin Asuka, the famous actor, having just been found two weeks ago, has disappeared again! No one knows where he is, we just hope that he would be found-,"

Athrun switched the TV off, cutting off the newscaster before she could say another word.

"No way am I gonna go look for that jackass-again," he said.

* * *

"Shin Asuka has disappeared!"

Kira pulled the plug of his TV, for the simple reason that he thought it was closer to him than the remote was.

"If that asshole thinks I'm gonna look for him, too bad."

* * *

Dearka was visited by Milly, Yzak, Nicol, Lacus and Cagalli in the rehab. They were watching "Chobits" when the show was rudely interrupted by the news flash, which they didn't even bother to listen to, the minute they heard Shin Asuka's name mentioned.

"Wanna go to the cafeteria? The food there is good!" Dearka suggested.

"So you're not addicted to noodles anymore?" Cagalli asked.

"Nope!" Dark confirmed. "I am now addicted to burritos!"

"Let's just hope you won't have to be sent to a Mexican food rehab," Milly sighed.

"He gets addicted to pretty much anything!" Yzak sneered.

"If only he was gay…" Nicol sighed, "… he would be addicted to _me_!"

Everyone stared at him, their jaws dropping one by one.

"WHAAT?" Nicol said.

THE END… OR IS IT?

a/n: Please review! Thanks to all the generous people who reviewed! And please tell me if it sucked or not! If you have complaints, e-mail me, Okay? Thanks a lot!


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